Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize