Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
