Fine. I'll sleep in my office
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
