If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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