JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
