if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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