Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
