Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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