a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
