We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
