She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
