She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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