Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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