I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ketchup is God's man juice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
