I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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