im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
