4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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