Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need a beard to bite.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
