I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
