Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
