Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
