Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this boner is exhausting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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