Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
