it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
