You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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