she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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