I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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