yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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