Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
