I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
