I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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