Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
