Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
