the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
