he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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