you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
