fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
