Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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