Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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