There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
