I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
