Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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