i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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