why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
