Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
