I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
