I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
