i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
