He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
