if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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