Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
