Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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