After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
