O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
