We won't sleep together?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
