It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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