I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh god it's open bar.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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