Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
