I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
