Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
