community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
