u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
