i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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