Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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