Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
