When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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