I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
