I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
