I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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