I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize