I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
wow bdsm is so cute
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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