You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
