he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
