well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
