Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize